Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i believe in u and ur pee
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
