3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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