1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
