so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
