Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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