he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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