I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
