Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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