Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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