u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My ass is underappreciated
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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