You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
