my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
ugly people sure do ruin things
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
