Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
