i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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