Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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