Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
