It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
