So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
