And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
