Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
