Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
