So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
