So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
