you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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