So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
