He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Swine flu. Run for my life!
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
