anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
