can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
