Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
