Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
