you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
