she looked like the before picture.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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