The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just blew my weed a kiss
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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