i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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