it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
