wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
try to milk me bitch
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