Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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