If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
