Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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