so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
