she woke up with a sticky ear
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
