I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
