I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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