Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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