I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
