First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
