when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
operation harelip BJ is a go
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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