why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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