I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
