There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
