Yo dont text me then not text me
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
